He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
