if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize