after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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