I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize