I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize