just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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