Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
