So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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