I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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