I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
