yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
