twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
