It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize