god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
