I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
