i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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