I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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