Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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