you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
