garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
