woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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