I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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