I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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