mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
