Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
