im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
