Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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