Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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