you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
