btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
