went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
