Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
