Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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