I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
