how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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