And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
