So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
