I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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