I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
