Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
