before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
