my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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