I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize