Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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