Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can you repeat that, but with context?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
