i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
