There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
