dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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