Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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