Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wanna go halves on a baby?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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