it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize