Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize