There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
why is half of my head shaved?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
