this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize