there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
