shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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