my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
