Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
