I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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