Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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