I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
