he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
