Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
