If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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