After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
