Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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