apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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