I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i love accidental penises.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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