apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
